Motivation

This is about the time of the school year when many young folks struggle with motivation, especially when it comes to the things they know they should do, but don't really want to do. In my household, I don't know that it's time of year specific, it is mostly all of the time. Sigh. is about the time of the school year when many young folks struggle with motivation, especially when it comes to the things they know they should do, but don't really want to do. In my household, I don't know that it's time of year specific, it is mostly all of the time. Sigh.

Now, my child (who is 9 years old) can spend eight hours building a fabulous lego house and hours upon hours creating intricate stuffie story lines, but she ignores, and often actively resists any kind of chores or homework. To be honest, I have tried so many versions of rewards and punishments, and at the end of the day, neither has really worked. As I've been learning more about the science of motivation I realized my daughter isn't unmotivated. She's deeply motivated, just not toward my priorities. Understanding that has inspired me to change my approach.

If you've felt frustrated watching your capable teen or young adult resist tasks, you're not alone. The good news? Research shows the answer isn't pushing harder, it's understanding how your young person's brain actually works. 

The Adolescent Brain

Your teen/young adult's brain is remodeling. The prefrontal cortex (planning, impulse control) doesn't fully develop until the mid-20s, while the reward center fires constantly. Your teen can hyperfocus on sports stats or learning song lyrics while resisting homework. That's not defiance-that's neurobiology.

For neurodivergent young folks (ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and others), this is even more complex. Their executive function, the ability to organize, plan, initiate tasks, and manage time, develops differently. What looks like "lack of motivation" is often an executive function challenge. They might want to do the task but genuinely struggle with how to start, organize their thinking, or sustain attention. The motivation is there; the pathway to action is blocked.

The shift: Stop asking "why won't they just do it?" and start asking "what's getting in the way?"

For all young people, and neurodivergent young folks especially, this might mean building structures, breaking tasks into smaller steps, or addressing sensory or attention challenges, not lecturing about willpower.

Executive function support directly impacts motivation. When they have the tools to organize their thoughts, break down projects, and manage their time, tasks feel achievable. And achievable tasks are motivating.

Three Elements of Motivation

Author Daniel Pink identified what actually drives humans and this is how it applies to teens and young adults.

Autonomy. Adolescents resist control. Offering choices increases motivation. "Would you like to study 30 minutes tonight and 30 tomorrow, or one longer session?" gives them agency.

Mastery.  Teens and young people want to improve, but only when tasks feel achievable. Break overwhelming goals into small milestones they can actually accomplish.

Purpose. Generic motivation ("do this for college") doesn't work. Help them discover their why. How does this task connect to their goals and values?

The Identity Factor

Psychologist Dr. David Yeager discovered that teens and young adults ask: "Is this for me? Does this fit who I am?" When they see tasks as irrelevant to their identity, they disengage.

When Yeager helped adolescents connect tasks to their identity and values, motivation skyrocketed. A student who thought "math isn't for people like me" engaged when they saw math's relevance to what they valued.

The application: Skip the future-focused sales pitch. Instead, connect tasks to who they are now. "I know you care about fairness, that's why following through on your responsibilities matters" lands differently than generic consequences.

Action and Connection

Author and podcaster Mel Robbins talks a lot about how motivation often follows action, not precedes it. The 5-Second Rule works: count backward (5-4-3-2-1) and move. This interrupts overthinking.

For your young person: Motivation isn't a prerequisite. Help them make tiny commitments: "Just open your laptop." "Just read the first paragraph." Once they start, momentum builds.

Connection Is Everything

The adolescent brain develops secure motivation within secure relationships. When young people feel seen, understood, and supported by their parents and other important adults in their lives it helps find internal motivation.

What works: Tend to the relationship first. Spend time together. Listen without problem-solving. Show genuine interest in what matters to them. Motivation flows through connection.

Here are a few questions you can ask your young person when they are struggling.

1. "What part of this feels hard?" (Identifies the real barrier.)

2. "What would help you feel more in control?" (Honors autonomy.)

3. "How does this connect to something that matters to you?" (Surfaces purpose.)

How Coaching Bridges the Gap

Knowing the science doesn't automatically create motivation at home. These frameworks are powerful, but implementing them takes support and sometimes someone who isn't the parent to help the young person tap into motivation for tasks they don't want to do.

Coaching helps by:

• Uncovering hidden barriers: What looks like laziness is often a skill gap, overwhelm, or belief issue. A coach helps identify what's really going on.

• Building executive function skills: Many motivation issues are actually planning or organization issues. Coaches help young folks develop the skills to make tasks manageable. This might mean creating systems for task initiation, managing working memory, or building transition routines.

• Identifying values: Coaching helps young people identify what's important to them in how they approach life and how it links to their goals and dreams.

• Finding their personal "why": Not because you told them it matters, but because they discover it themselves. This is the difference between external and internal motivation.

• Providing accountability, support and perspective: Your young person gets a partner who isn't you to help them stay consistent, adjust strategies, and be there for them when things get hard.

Adolescent motivation responds to autonomy, meaningful challenges, connection, and the belief that tasks fit who they are.

My daughter still prefers Legos to homework. But now when she resists, I ask better questions. The dynamic between us has shifted. She knows I'm trying to understand her, not force her. And when young people (of all ages) feel understood, everything changes.

If you want to explore how coaching can support your teen or young adult, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.